Anthony Albanese: Even His Legs Won’t Support Him Anymore

Leaving a trail of slime wherever he goes, Minister Anthony Albanese recently took a literal nosedive off a stage, leaving everyone wondering if his political platform is just as precarious. The tumble, which drew muffled laughter from the audience, and most of the civilized world, has quickly become a hilarious metaphor for his government’s relationship with normal Australians that don’t have their head up their own a**—unstable, unbalanced, and heading straight for the bottom.

“It’s not just his footing that’s shaky,” quipped one pundit. “His policies are doing the same thing to the economy.” Albanese’s push for climate action and Indigenous representation has been met with skepticism from the non-spaztards, who argue that he’s prioritizing looney-left idealism over practicality. “He’s falling for Australia, alright—just not in the way we’d hoped,” another critic remarked.

Meanwhile, Albanese’s supporters, all three of them, have spun the fall as a symbol of resilience. “He got back up, didn’t he?” said one Labor Party loyalist. “That’s more than we can say for his approval ratings...” he said, before ducking his head and weeping like a whipped puppy.

Still, much like the Prime Minister’s legs, support is wobbly as he continues to stagger over the lives of every Australian like a drunken Godzilla.