Britain’s Killer Joke Resurfaces

Intelligence reports have surfaced indicating that the infamous "killer joke" from World War II has resurfaced and is now in the hands of the Chinese government. The joke, which was weaponized by the British during the war, is said to be so jocular that it caused instant death by laughter upon hearing.

The killer joke was created by British joke writer Ernest Scribbler during World War II, who died of laughter shortly after. The joke was so lethal that anyone who read or heard it promptly died laughing. Recognizing its potential as a weapon, the British Army translated the joke into German and used it against the German forces, causing mass casualties.

After peace broke out, the use of the killer joke was deemed too dangerous and was subsequently banned by an amendment to the Geneva Convention in 1950. This marked the end of joke warfare. The last known copy of the joke was buried under the Tomb of the Unknown Joke in Berkshire to prevent it from falling into the wrong hands.

Recent intelligence reports suggest that the Chinese government has somehow acquired the killer joke and is now in possession of this deadly weapon. The implications of this are dire, as the joke's lethal potential could be used to devastating effects in modern joke warfare.

"The possession of this joke by anyone other than Britain or the United States is a threat to the survival of the planet. The British Killer Joke has a greater explosive yield than a 10,000-megaton meme," said Pete Hegseth, the current Secretary of Defense.

With social media being so prominent, the killer joke could spread rapidly if deployed on platforms like X, Instagram or Facebook. Elon Musk is reportedly taking precautions to prevent the joke from spreading on X. Meanwhile, Mark Zuckerberg has flown to Mar-a-Lago to discuss preventive measures with the President of the United States and his staff. White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt stated, "The population at large, and those using social media platforms, must be made aware of this threat to national security and view memes with extreme caution."

This new intelligence has added strain to the scrutiny of Tik-Tok, which the NSA has hinted may be the deployment method used by the Chinese, according to sources.