Carcass Caucus Ruckus

In an unprecedented twist that has left the living utterly baffled, the dead have decided that even in the afterlife they’d had enough of their ghostly votes propping up the Democrat machine. Rising from their eternal slumber, these spectral citizens have formed the Carcass Caucus—a coalition determined to overhaul the electoral system and, if necessary, field their own candidates for Senate, the House, and even the presidency.

“It’s about time our voices were heard,” declared Mortimer Graves, the caucus’s impassioned spokesperson. “For too long, we’ve been counted in as unwavering Democrat voters—without even casting a ballot. We demand proper representation! No representation without respiration!”

The Carcass Caucus is not merely a gathering of restless spirits; it’s a full-blown political movement that has drawn cheers... and eerie groans—from graveyards and polling stations alike. Insisting on the enforcement of strict voter ID laws (so that only those who can prove they’re very much alive—or at least have proper spectral identification—can vote), the caucus has vowed to “put the dead back in the cemetery, not the ballot box.”

Political analysts are scratching their heads. “We’ve seen grassroots movements before, but this is more like grave-roots,” noted one bemused expert. Already, the caucus is preparing a platform that promises to upend the decades-old assumptions of political loyalty. Their message is clear: if the living don’t adjust the rules, then the dead will take matters into their own hands—and ballots.

As the Carcass Caucus gains momentum, the living are left to wonder whether democracy is prepared for a political revolution sparked from beyond the grave. One thing’s for sure: when your voters might literally be dying to have a say, elections will never be the same again.