CDC Confirms Musk Derangement Syndrome (MDS-47) as Mutation of TDS-45
JD Hoss
In a statement released earlier today, the CDC officially confirmed the existence of Musk Derangement Syndrome (MDS-47), a mutated form of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS-45) that has been spreading for weeks. Experts report that MDS-47 is contracted through exposure to positive news involving Elon Musk and his DOGE team, particularly revelations uncovering extensive fraud, waste, and abuse in government finances.
Warning: Prolonged exposure to CNN, MSNBC, and other purveyors of fake news can severely weaken the immune system, leaving individuals highly susceptible to both TDS-45 and MDS-47. Viewers are advised to consume such content with a healthy dose of skepticism, as these outlets are recognized as primary carriers of these syndromes. Protect yourselfâcritical thinking is the best antidote.
Symptoms of MDS-47 include:
Foaming at the mouth while screaming into phones and posting it on social media.
Keying parked Teslas, often while forgetting that Teslas have a video security system.
Burning EV charging stations, with offenders claiming theyâre âsaving the planetâ as noxious, poisonous fumes enter the atmosphere.
Sudden sacrifice of credibility, marked by sufferers publicly reversing previously held views on climate change and innovation.
Sudden child-like weeping when arrested, often accompanied by frantic realization that actions have consequences while sh*tting themselves.
Full-body conniptions triggered by news of Muskâs accomplishments, ranging from SpaceX launches to cost-saving government audits.
The CDC has identified MDS-47 hotspots near Tesla dealerships, EV charging stations, and social media platforms where Muskâs tweets gain traction. Public health officials are urging individuals to avoid direct exposure to pro-Musk news if they suspect they may be prone to the syndrome. In one case, a patient reportedly took a sledgehammer to a Cybertruck after seeing a headline about Musk saving another trillion dollars in a government department.
The CDC has warned that there is currently no treatment for MDS-47. The only effective measure appears to be isolating sufferers in jail cells or other facilities until their symptoms subsideâspecifically, when their hair returns to its natural color after being dyed purple. Officials caution, however, that containment strategies are not foolproof.
Democratic Party leaders have also shown signs of MDS-47, as none have condemned the recent terrorist attacks on Tesla-owned properties or the violent assaults on U.S. citizens and their property. Critics argue this silence only exacerbates the spread of the syndrome, leaving the public to wonder whether political leaders are themselves succumbing to its effects.
Despite Elon Musk's continued efforts to champion innovation and reduce carbon footprints, MDS-47 sufferers insist heâs "single-handedly destroying civilization one government rip-off at a time."
Elon Musk, @elon musk, could not be reached for comment. According to a spokesperson, Mr. Muskâs recommended treatment for MDS-47 would be to forcibly remove sufferersâ heads from their a**es, a technology that SpaceX is rumored to release later this year. No further details are known.
For now, the nation is forced to watch as this disease spreads through the population. Thankfully, most Americans have immunity to MDS-47, but many are suffering the consequences of this erratic, mind-numbing syndrome.
