Declassified: CIA Spent Millions on Psychic Search for Common Sense in D.C.

In a revelation that could make even the most jaded bureaucrat do a double take, recently declassified CIA documents have unveiled one of the agency’s most bizarre and fruitless missions: a 12-year psychic search for someone in Washington, D.C., with common sense.

The program, which began in the late 1970s and reportedly cost millions of taxpayer dollars, employed a rotating team of psychics under the code name "Project Rational Mind." The psychics—trained in remote viewing and other esoteric techniques—were tasked with locating a single individual in the nation’s capital who exhibited sound judgment, logical decision-making, and the ability to prioritize the public good over political gain.

The results were grim. One psychic described their findings as "a barren wasteland, devoid of reason," while another insisted that common sense in D.C. had been "banished to a dark dimension during the Nixon administration." Despite increasingly desperate attempts, the team concluded that no such individual could be found.

The documents suggest that the CIA quietly shelved the project in the early 1990s, citing "profound existential despair" among participants as the primary reason for discontinuation. The total cost of the program remains unclear, though estimates suggest it could have funded at least three new shrimp treadmill studies or two psychic teleportation experiments.