FBI Agents Celebrate Back-to-Basics: New Folders and School Supplies

NATIONAL

JD Hoss

Quantico, Virginia — In a heartwarming display reminiscent of a back-to-school giveaway, FBI agents gathered at headquarters today for a unique event: the distribution of brand-new folders and school supplies. The agents, donning their trademark suits and earpieces, proudly held up their colorful folders for the cameras, grinning like students on the first day of class.

The event, dubbed “Operation Organized Agents,” was organized by the Bureau’s Administrative Services Division, aiming to inject a little color and fun into the agents’ daily paperwork routines. But folders weren’t the only gift on the table. Each agent received a tote bag filled with essential “school supplies,” including:

Erasers in the shape of magnifying glasses
Safety Scissors
No. 2 pencils engraved with “Property of the FBI”
Colored pencils and crayons for sketching… or stress relief
Coloring books featuring declassified case files for a splash of nostalgia
Spiral notebooks labeled “Top Secret...ish”
A small pack of glue sticks (“because teamwork is sticky”)

“I haven’t been this excited about office supplies since Quantico training!” exclaimed Agent Sandra Munroe as she waved her folder decorated with the FBI seal. “You wouldn’t believe how much this will help us stay on top of the paperwork mountain.”

Former Director Christopher Wray, who handed out the first batch of folders himself, joked during the presentation, “The FBI handles some of the nation’s most complex cases, but even we need a little extra help staying organized. These folders are the real MVPs.”

As the event came to a close, agents were seen swapping crayons and comparing folder colors like excited kids on a playground. Rumor has it that one agent even challenged his colleagues to a coloring contest in the break room. Whether or not the new supplies will improve efficiency remains to be seen, but morale is definitely through the roof.

With their new gear in hand, it looks like the FBI is more prepared than ever—not just for investigations, but for craft night too. Who says agents can’t have a little fun while keeping America safe?