News From the Past: Hogwarts Faces Closure Over Child Endangerment Concerns

Hogsmeade, Scotland — Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, renowned for its centuries-old traditions and magical education, faces a crisis as the Ministry of Magic threatens to shut its doors due to child endangerment. Allegations of systemic safety issues at the institution have sparked public outcry, forcing Headmaster Albus Dumbledore to address mounting concerns.

The Ministry of Child Safety, citing numerous incidents from school records, has declared Hogwarts a hazardous environment for young witches and wizards. An official investigation is underway, focusing on what some are calling "a pattern of reckless disregard for student welfare."

A History of Danger

Critics point to several well-documented incidents that highlight a concerning lack of safety protocols:

• Students were left unsupervised around a fully grown, three-headed dog guarding a trapdoor. No barriers or warning signs were provided.

• A mountain troll infiltrated the castle, endangering the lives of first-year students who had not been adequately prepared to handle such threats, and made a mess of the girls bathroom.

• Many students were petrified by a basilisk unleashed from the Chamber of Secrets, with access to the deadly creature facilitated by plumbing known to connect to the castle.

• A known werewolf had been hired to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts and made quite a nuisance of himself despite regular medication.

• The recent Triwizard Tournament exposed underage students to life-threatening tasks, including dragons, a deadly underwater maze, and an enchanted labyrinth rife with violence where one student died.

• A group of students forming their own secret self-defense lessons—was endangered by a lack of qualified supervision.

• A student was nearly killed and flung about when exposed to a cursed object.

Ministry Condemnation

The Ministry of Child Safety has criticized the school’s administration for its tendency to allow students to face peril rather than promptly addressing issues. A spokesperson stated: “While Hogwarts has always been a symbol of magical excellence, it cannot continue to operate in a manner that endangers the lives of its students. No educational tradition justifies this level of risk, and they shall jolly well get a good talking to.”

Public sentiment is deeply divided. Supporters of Dumbledore argue that the headmaster’s unorthodox methods have prepared students for the harsh realities of the magical world. Hermione Granger, student and annoying busy body, commented, “Danger was part of the Hogwarts experience, but it taught us resilience and problem-solving.”

Others, however, see the lack of oversight as indefensible. “My child wouldn’t last a week at Hogwarts,” said one concerned parent.

The Future of Hogwarts

As the Ministry considers whether to revoke Hogwarts’ funding and operational license, the wizarding community anxiously awaits the outcome. Dumbledore, meanwhile, has vowed to defend the school’s legacy. “Hogwarts has always been a place of learning and growth,” he said in a statement. “We will meet these challenges with the same courage we teach our students.”