Speaker of the House Introduces Controversial "Muppet Critics" Bill

Washington, D.C. — In an unexpected turn of events, the Speaker of the House has introduced a new bill that is raising eyebrows and stirring debate across the political spectrum. The bill, humorously dubbed the "Muppet Critics Retirement Act," proposes mandatory retirement for senators and representatives who start to resemble Statler and Waldorf, the iconic grumpy critics from the Muppet Show.

The bill’s preamble cites the need for “fresh faces and dynamic perspectives” in Congress, while also aiming to tackle the issue of aging legislators. “Our democracy thrives on new ideas and youthful energy,” said the Speaker, “and sometimes, it’s best to retire gracefully before one’s resemblance to beloved puppet critics becomes too uncanny.”

According to the proposed bill, an independent panel of experts in gerontology and puppetry will be established to evaluate the appearances and mannerisms of sitting legislators. If a congressperson is deemed to have a striking resemblance to either Statler or Waldorf, they will be given a graceful retirement package and a commemorative Muppet-themed award for their service.

Reactions to the bill have been mixed. Supporters argue that it’s a creative way to address the issue of aging lawmakers and inject new life into the legislative process. “It’s time we bring in new voices and perspectives,” said one proponent.

Opponents, however, view the bill as ageist and disrespectful. “This is a serious job, and we should not be making light of our legislators' appearances,” stated one critic, “we should focus on their policies and effectiveness, not their resemblance to Muppet characters.”

Public opinion has been equally divided. Social media is abuzz with memes and jokes about the bill, with some users playfully nominating current congresspeople for early retirement. Others, however, express concern that the bill distracts from more pressing issues facing the nation.

The "Muppet Critics Retirement Act" is set to be debated in committee next week. While its chances of passing are uncertain, it has already sparked a lively conversation about age, representation, and the power of Muppets in politics.