State of the Union Address to Feature Musical Chairs, Square Dancing, and Balloons

President Donald Trump is set to make history tonight—not with a speech, but by taking on the role of caller and fiddle player during the first bipartisan square dance since 210 years. As part of the joint session, Trump will join lawmakers in a square dance, followed by a game of musical chairs.

This special State of the Union Address marks the first bipartisan square dance since 1815 when President James Madison played his accordion to grand applause. President Trump is also setting precedent by reinstating the tradition of Musical Chairs not played in a joint session of congress since December 3, 1860, when then President James Buchanan played the xylophone to thunderous applause. This tradition was interrupted by the Civil War, and has not been played since.

The floor of the House of Representatives will be cleared of furniture for this historic event. Lawmakers from both sides of the aisle will don their best cowboy boots and bandanas, ready to do-si-do and promenade in a show of unity and good old-fashioned fun. Trump, as the caller, will direct the dance moves and is expected to make political comments during the musical numbers.

Adding to the spectacle, a Can-Can dancing line of Democrats and Republicans will perform a rousing rendition of "Anything Goes," showcasing their bipartisan dance skills. And to top it all off, Kendrick Lamar, who headlined this year's Super Bowl halftime show, will descend from the ceiling on a glittering disco ball singing the national anthem in his unique style.

But the fun doesn’t stop there. A dunk tank will be set up where both Republicans and Democrats can take turns dunking Volodymyr Zelenskyy, who agreed to participate as part of the peace deal with Russia. The Bipartisan Party Committee has assured us that there will be cake and balloons to add to the festive atmosphere.

President Buchanan jams on the accordion during the last bipartisan square dance during a joint session of congress in 1815