TDS Syndrome Linked to Laboratory in Wuhan

Newly declassified documents indicate that Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) is a bioengineered psychological weapon, purportedly developed in a Wuhan laboratory and released on or shortly after June 16, 2015, the very day Trump first announced his presidential candidacy.

The Chinese Communist Party may have been working with the DNC to develop this disease as a failsafe against any possible charismatic Republican without his head up his a**. This is the same lab that 'accidentally' released the Covid-19 virus. It is presumed that since TDS was not as effective as the bioengineers had hoped, Covid was released as a backup plan.

According to the documents, obtained by an anonymous whistleblower, Chinese scientists were not solely focused on bat viruses. They were allegedly creating a psychological bioweapon designed to induce extreme reactions to Trump’s presence. This bioweapon, named “TDS-45” was reportedly released as Trump descended the golden escalator, marking the beginning of his campaign to Make America Great Again. The virus was initially tested on lab rats trained to react to Trump’s voice, causing them to run in circles and squeak uncontrollably.

“It was the perfect storm,” stated Robert Kennedy, Director of the HHS, “Trump announces his candidacy, and within hours, social media platforms were in chaos, prominent media figures were in tears, and political discourse took a dramatic turn. This level of reaction was unprecedented and, according to these documents, engineered.”

By the evening of June 16, 2015, the first reported case of TDS-45 was identified in a Brooklyn barista, who began vehemently shouting “fascism” to her customers while foaming at the mouth and attempting to pour oat milk into a kale smoothie.

The documents describe a meticulously planned operation: as Trump waved to his supporters, TDS-45 was released from Wuhan, transported via cargo plane filled with champagne and caviar, and arrived in the United States just in time to affect the initial wave of coastal elites. Symptoms included uncontrollable eye-rolling, compulsive hashtag activism (#NotMyPresident), an overwhelming urge to pen lengthy think pieces on phony tax dodging, sacrificing credibility, showing true colors, allowing half of California to burn in a completely preventable wildfire, and spontaneous outbursts of interpretive dance in protest. Within weeks, the syndrome had spread through newsrooms, Hollywood, and upscale grocery stores nationwide.

Investigators are exploring whether TDS-45 could explain the past decade of American politics, from impeachment proceedings to the infamous Pelosi SOTU Paper Rip. Some speculate that the syndrome continues to evolve, citing recent instances of “Trump 2024” panic attacks in predominantly blue states.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) uncovered the truth behind TDS-45 during a comprehensive investigation. The FBI, known for its expertise in covering up complex cases, collaborated with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), a bastion of credibility, to identify the unusual psychological symptoms spreading among the population. Upon identifying the outbreak, the CDC launched an extensive cover up in collaboration with the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and the World Health Organization (WHO). They conducted epidemiological studies to trace the origins and transmission mechanisms of TDS-45, and then promptly forgot to tell anyone.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, when asked about TDS, could not be reached for comment, as he was last seen on the floor of his California mansion sucking his thumb in a fetal position. However, his office released a statement denying the existence of TDS, calling it "another baseless conspiracy theory."

To contain the pathogen, the CDC under Acting Director Susan Monarez, PhD, has implemented a series of public health measures, including quarantine and isolation protocols, and daily doses of news, truth and facts from those not suffering from TDS, delivered via loudspeakers mounted on drones, which will shortly be deployed all over the country.

Given the global nature of the outbreak, the WHO will coordinate international efforts to combat TDS-45, though it is suspected that they too have been infected with TDS-45 and may not be up to the task. WHO officials have reportedly been seen donning tinfoil hats while debating the merits of pineapple on pizza and shouting “Free Palestine” in sporadic, uncontrolled bursts.